Assorted music /
musician jokes.
We all love the
Blues, but we like humor too.
If you see a joke that you think was written about you,
or your favorite instrument, get even by sending us one
about one of your friends.
You have probably heard that most blues
songs begin with the line
Woke up this mornin'.....
This is to differentiate hard working blues musicians from most other musicians
who sleep past noon.
Harmonica jokes.
Q: How can you
tell if a harmonica player is on a level stage?
A: He's drooling out both sides of
his mouth.
A: He’s trying to show him how the song goes.
Q: What do you call a harmonica player who doesn't blow all
over a singer's lines?
A: Deceased.
Q: Which is better, a guitar or harmonica?
A: Guitar. You can't kill a bad harmonica player with a harmonica.
Q: What do you call a harmonica player in a brand new suit?
A: Dearly departed.
Guitar jokes
Dad, when I grow up I want to be a guitar player.
Look son, you can't do both.
Q. How many blues guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Don't worry about the change, they’ll improvise!
Q: Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A: So the rest of the band can understand them.
Q: What's the difference between a Lead Guitarist and the PLO?
A: You can negotiate with the PLO.
Q: How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect
unison?
A: Shoot One.
Q: Why do only 10% of guitar players
make it to heaven?
A: Because if they all went, it would
be Hell.
Bass jokes
Q: How many bass players does it
take to change a light bulb?
A: Six: one to change
it, and the other five to fight off the lead
Q: Did you hear the one about the bass player that walked past the bar?
A: It could happen!
Johnny comes home from school and says to his mom,
"Mommy, I learned the alphabet today! The rest of the class messed up
around F, but I made it all the way through!" Johnny's mom say's "Very
good son, that's because you're a bass player."
Johnny comes home the next day and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, I counted to a
hundred today! Everyone else couldn't get past 60, but I made it all the way to
100!" And his mom say's, "Excellent. That's because you're a bass
player."
The next day, Johnny comes home and say's, "Mommy, the teacher measured
everyone's height in class today, and I was taller than everyone. Is that
because I'm a bass player?" His mom shakes her head and say's, "No,
honey, that's because you're twenty-six."
Drummer jokes
Q. What do you call a good-looking woman on the
arm of a Drummer?
A. A tattoo.
Q. What's the difference between an onion and a
drummer?
A. No one cries when you cut a drummer
Q. Who won the drummer beauty
contest?
A. Nobody.
Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with
musicians?
A. A drummer.
Q. What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A. Put a sheet of music in front of him.
Q. Why do drummers like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.
Two girls are walking along when they hear...
"Psst! Down here!"
They both look down and see a frog sitting beside the road.
The frog says to them, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous
drummer and make you both rich and famous!"
The two girls looked at each other, and one of them reached down and grabbed the
frog and stuffed it in her pocket.
The other girl said, "What did you do that for?"
The first replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps
more than a famous drummer any day!!!"
Accordion jokes
A fella is wrapping up his Blues band’s rehearsal
in which he plays the accordion. It’s late at night and he lugs the accordion
out and packs it into the back of his car. When he gets to his apartment, he’s
to tired to lug it up the 5 flights of stairs to his apartment, so he decides to
lock it in the car overnight.
When he wakes up in the morning, he is astonished to
see that his back window is smashed and his car has been broken into. Fearing
his instrument was stolen he runs down to check and finds 2 accordions in his
car.
A: An accordion takes much longer to burn.
Q. What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A. An accordion hitting a banjo in a dumpster.
Q. What's the difference between an accordion and
an onion ?
A. No one cries when you cut up an accordion.
Q. What's the range of an accordion?
A. Twenty yards if you've got a good arm.
Assorted musician jokes
A fella is driving down the road and sees two piles of
road kill,
one is a possum and the other is a Blues Fiddle Player.
Q. Do you know how he could tell the difference?
A. There were skid marks in front of the Possum.
The sad part is that the Possum was on his way to a paying gig.
Q:
Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A: It took two hours to get the
drummer out.
Q: What is the difference between
"musician" and "mutual fund"?
A: A mutual fund will eventually mature and began earning money.
Q: What is the difference between a
musician and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of
four.
Q: How many girl singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but she holds on to the bulb and waits for the whole world
to revolve around her.
Q. What's the difference between a dead skunk
in the road and a musician?
A. At least the skunk was on time for his next gig.
Q. Why do bagpipe players
walk while they play?
A. To get away from the noise.
Q. What is the definition "lucky break"?
A. When a busload of bagpipe players goes off a cliff.
Q. What's the difference
between a puppy and a folksinger?
A. Eventually the puppy stops whining.
Q. What happens if you play blues music
backwards?
A. Your woman quits cheating on you, you quit drinking and
you get rich.
A. Start with $2 million.
Got a good one? Send it in.